Worrying

After my ECT today, I found that I had forgotten how to solve the Rubik’s cube. I was quickly able to refresh my memory online, but nonetheless – who knows what else I have forgotten? Obviously I don’t, and indeed for the most part can’t, know.

Then again, I suppose there is little point in worrying about it. I should focus on the positive – the therapy actually does seem to have done some good today. I am tired, but am also rather less depressed than I felt at the weekend.

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Published in: on April 14, 2009 at 8:19 pm  Leave a Comment  

Oh, the Indignity…

Well, I’m home from hospital for the long weekend, and am, predictably, rather bored. I’m simply too depressed to read anything more demanding than over-analyses of cartoons – but then, at least they’re pretty fun.

In a bid to get me out of the house (fresh air being conducive to mental health, I imagine?), my father has taken to going for walks with me in Saint Anne’s Park in Clontarf. Today, there was a light rain falling, and the only other people in the park were dog-walkers. This made me feel rather “doggy”; I was, too, after all, being “taken” for a walk.

I can’t walk by the playground in that park without feeling a twinge of nostalgia – I used to go to there fairly regularly until I was maybe ten or so, and then didn’t go to the park at all for most of my adolescence. As a result, there is a gap in my memory; I don’t remember growing too old for the playground, but here I am, seven years older than the upper limit. Nostalgia!

Anyway, it’s back to hospital for me now. I might write another entry there. Or I might have a nap. It’s all good.

Peace Out!

Published in: on April 13, 2009 at 7:06 pm  Leave a Comment  

Cannula stigmata!

It’s just occurred to me that the cannulae – the things that administer my anaesthetic before my ECT treatments – leave a small, but cool, “stigmata”-style scar on the back of my hand. The only thing cooler would be if Jesus himself underwent an anaesthetic before crucifixion. Medical drama and religious experience make for good combination? Free-associating from that, I’m now searching my memory for medical imagery in Tarkovsky… certain things from Stalker probably fit the bill best; specifically tiles and… do I recall a syringe being one of the objects submerged in muddy water? Perhaps a brassy-looking one?

Dreadfully bored in hospital at the moment, which is why I’m writing this bally thing up. I have, say, two hours until I can reasonably expect to fall quickly asleep after getting ready for bed. Until then, I can (1) watch Winnie-the-Pooh online, or (2) Read Arthur Conan Doyle. Neither really captures my imagination, but one must do something

Oh, actually, DisneyCorp has made copyright claims against youtube since the weekend, so I can’t watch 1977’s The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh after all. How disappointing. I suppose I’ll have to read – damn it! – instead.

Published in: on April 8, 2009 at 8:05 pm  Comments (1)  

First post!

This is my first half-assed attempt at blogging, inspired by catchthepigeon’s own first – albeit more full-assed – efforts. Dateline: The reception of St. Patrick’s Hospital. What’s going on? We – Michael, Ross, and I – are talking about that episode of the Simpsons where Marge is a guidance counsellor and Homer is Mister Sparkles, and the conversation drifts – inevitably – into the Simpsons’ recent decline.

Now a turn for the frightening has been taken! Ross and Michael are going to bring up my anxiety with their doctor (I believe he is known as Pat around these parts?), and I just know that this is going to end with crowds of mental health professionals literally shaking the anxiety out of me! Just… just grabbing me by the lapels and shaking, and yelling “calm down” into my face.

Oh, but in the time it took for me to write the above, conversation has drifted back to tv shows, via Vikings. All is once again well.

Published in: on April 7, 2009 at 8:32 pm  Comments (1)